fuckyoucynthia | ♜ | 027 | Voice

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♜ | 027 | Voice

[Cooper tried to come up with something eloquent. Honest. For ten whole minutes.]

I'm leaving.

[That was all he got. He even kills the feed. But a little while later, it clicks back on.] Some of you have reasons to stay, and some of you can't leave, I get that. Most of you use excuses, to stay or go. Mine's the people I care about. Things are starting to look ugly here, and I realized: I don't have to buckle down and live through it.

I did my time. And now I'm going back home to kiss my wife and hug my children.

[Private to Kay]

Thanks.

[And added a few moments later:] I'm letting Heero know he can come visit, when he graduates. Don't let the Admiral forget. All this shit that's going on lately...[Which is his way of saying stay safe.]

[Private to Heero]

There's a guest bedroom, in my house. When you graduate, if you want, tell the Admiral you want to come visit. Anytime you want - any time you can, I guess. No one else uses it.

[Private to Una]

I hope you see your kids again soon.

[Private to t he Admiral]

When Heero graduates, you let him come visit me. Whenever he wants.

...Kay too.

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... Thank you.

Edited 2011-10-11 22:36 (UTC)

Anytime, kid.

[Knock knock, he wants to say goodbye in person. :c]

[He was going to avoid this awkward sentimental crap :c But he gets up to open the door anyway.] Hey.

[Sorry. We are neighbors, after all. :| He doesn't say anything, just offering his hand to Cooper. This is... actually the first time he's ever shaken anyone's hand before, let alone initiating the gesture himself.]

[Point. :| Cooper's eyebrows arch a little, but he reaches out and takes Heero's hand, shaking firmly.

...And then fuck it, he needs a hug. C'mere kid.]

[Okay, okay fine. Who knew you were so mushy. :|

... Actually who are we kidding, he did kind of want a hug. So you're just going to be silently hugged.]

[Shut up. :| YOU'RE WELCOME HEERO. Cooper pats his back after a moment, then steps back and ruffles his hair.]

You're a good kid, Heero.

[He just smiles a little.]

Take care of your family.

You don't have to worry about that. [Keep smiling, kid. c:]

Lucky you, able to escape before this place drives you completely fucking insane.

Never said I wasn't lucky. Avoid the freaky shit, you'll get through it fine.

Bullshit. I've seen what passes for justice on this hellhole. My kidnapper got to graduate unpunished. I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind, and I just want to leave. I was a better person before this place.

You know, I've heard bitching makes you a better person, too. Keep it up, and you'll be out of here in no time.

You shouldn't even be graduated. I sure as hell never murdered anyone, so why am I stuck here while you get to run away and abandon us?

Wanda...calm down. That doesn't even have anything to do with it, and a redemption Barge wouldn't even make sense if certain crimes made you an inmate forever. It's about whether or not you still are going to continue doing those crimes. You still have your anger issues, and no one is arguing that murder isn't worse than rage issues, but rage issues are pretty much the most minor thing I've ever seen an inmate here for, and you can't start arguing against every graduation ever because they don't meet your standards and you're mad about Franklin.

Franklin graduating made me mad, too, but apparently seeing what he did made him no longer want to hurt anyone ever again, or he wouldn't have graduated.

Calm down? Fucking calm down?

This guy blew Svetlana's head off barely months ago. He's a killbot. I never wanted to hurt anyone deliberately in my fucking life. I'm not arguing against graduations, I am arguing against the Admiral's sanity. I shouldn't even be here. Anger issues? A good chunk of the Wardens have anger issues too. But he's keeping me while guys like Franklin get to go home?

I am getting worse, not better. I can feel it. I can't stand people or any of this bullshit anymore, I don't want to wake up in the morning, and I think I'm losing my mind. And all you can do is talk.

No, this isn't just about Franklin, it's about the lack of justice in this hellhole. Yes, I think I should get off more lightly than some guy who shoots people. Yes, I think that the people who have hurt me and my friends should be punished, regardless of what the Admiral believes to be "fair". The Admiral is completely insane--his judgment is shit. But everything here depends on it.

I just want to go. I don't care if there's nothing out there but death for me; I want out. Fuck redemption.

It's not about getting off lightly or not, because the Barge isn't supposed to be a punishment and it's not prison. Yes, I can see you getting worse. Anger wise, you're where you were before you had your memories changed. But no, he's not a killbot. He's a man who killed, and who repented for killing.

Also? I've been doing more than talking. I set you up with self defense classes so you wouldn't feel helpless. Unless you want me to ungraduate people or go attack other people's inmates when they aren't punished enough, I'm not sure what you want. I can't send you off the Barge.

[At least she's trying for some deep breaths now.]

I'm sorry. That was unfair.

Look. I'm flipping out. I know it. I can't reconcile some things I have seen and experienced with what people are telling me. And I'm scared. I didn't actually wake up after finding out that Franklin was graduated and not punished and decide to become a broken, disillusioned bitch, okay? This was done to me.

My anger is justified. What happened to me was wrong. Franklin getting away with it was wrong. My anger is righteous. But without a way of satisfying it or my need for vindication, I don't know what to do.

I know all that. I'm not saying you're doing this because you want to, and I'm not saying that things aren't unfair. They're unfair here, they're unfair in the real world. I've gone lots of times without any vindication, but I also know that while someone can break someone, no one can fix a person but themselves. Others can help...I'm guess I'm just saying that no one's saying it's your fault, I'm just saying that no one can fix you unless you work with the people that want to help.

It feels like I'm being punished for other people's crimes. I'm betting I didn't get my memories remodeled or tossed in an asylum for my own good either.

Life may be unfair in the real world too, but in the real world I could have killed him for what he did to me.

You're not. I mean, you're not here for their crimes. You have your own crimes, even if you don't remember them. You being here is completely unrelated to them being here, so it would help if you'd stop comparing your reason to their's because it just upsets you.

No, your memories weren't remodeled for your own good. You'd be better off if you learned to live with your memories as they originally were.

And no, because in the real world, you do that and you go to jail and serve a life sentence, so it still wouldn't feel like you had justice, since in the end you'd just get more punishment. Or you wouldn't be able to find him, because he'd be able to leave even easier by just moving to a new city and not leaving a trail for you to follow.

Ask your warden, kid. I don't have your file.

I'll do that.

[You too, Cooper. You too.]

Offer extends to you too.

I'll remember that.

[He'll try. :( And be horribly inept.]

[Rhade understands the self interest there, Cooper. Family is priority, his just happens to be here. Brofist.]

Live well, William Cooper.

[He almost wants to do that Spock hand gesture bidness.]

You too, Rhade.

[She decides to spare him the lengthy explanation.]

Thank you. Good luck in the future.

...And I'll keep an eye on Heero.

[Lol he appreciates it. :c SOCIAL SKILLS, they are not his best trait. :c]

Thanks. [A beat.] He was my son twice. Kind of hard to let that go.

I know what you mean.

Take care of yourself, Cooper.

You too, Una.

You made the smart choice, for what it's worth.

I know, but I appreciate that positive feedback.

Quite. Good luck.

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